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What You Don't Know


Write 31 Days - Day 2
What You Don't Know : Write about a secret you've been keeping.

        So, let me just start off by saying this isn't a prompt I've been looking forward to. I have quite a few secrets eating away at me, none of which I'm jumping at the chance to spill. In fact, many of them I plan on taking to the grave.
         About 15 years ago, I was committed to an institution by the state I live in. I was charged with arson. I was deemed mentally unfit; I was a danger to myself and others. It was time for me to go away.
        After a few months, I was over it all. Done with the locked doors. Done with the night checks every five minutes. Done with the strip searches. Somehow, I longed for the home I hated so much. I needed to leave.
        Until you have made progress and can show that you are no longer a threat to yourself or others, you will stay here.
          But my thoughts were never going to change. These thoughts were ones I had been thinking for years. No matter how many times I tried to push them out of my mind, they always fought their way back in. No amount of therapy was going to change that.
          So I began to manipulate the program. I kept a fake journal, talking about how proud I was of myself and how things were finally looking up. My real thoughts were kept on a USB drive, hidden and password protected. One day, I presented this phony journal to the board (whom were responsible for deciding upon my release). They used this as proof that I had benefited from all the therapy and I was soon released.
         However, those thoughts never went away. They haunt me daily. Although I do not act on them as often anymore, they are still there. They always will be. They feed on me daily, getting stronger and stronger. I do belong locked up.
         But I'm not going back.

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